A Decade Never to be Forgotten

[00:00:00] Jethro: I was sitting there watching conference and, you know, I got kids running all over the place, uh, like most people do. And then when Elder Stevenson started talking, I, I wasn't paying much attention to his talk. And then he said, uh, something about. You can make this next 10 years a decade, never to be forgotten.

[00:00:22] Jethro: I don't remember the exact point when he said it, but you know how sometimes there's that thing that like pricks you right in the heart and is like, are you listening Jethro, because you need to do something with this. And I was like, what do I need to do? Like, I don't even know what I would need to do.

[00:00:41] Jethro: And. So then I was like, well, what do I do with everything? I, I start a podcast and I was like, what if there were a few people. Who heard this talk and made the commitment, they're going to make a decade never to be forgotten. And what if we actually, instead of waiting for 10 years to look back and see what happened, what if we followed them along during these 10 years?

[00:01:05] Jethro: And, and so then I shared it with you and I shared it with a bunch of other people. And what was your reaction when you, when you heard the idea?

[00:01:13] Courtney: I thought it. Apply what was taught, you know, in conference. Um, and like you, I had that same thought, like looking back years from now, you wouldn't remember everything and you don't have, like, I don't know, you're an educator that, that starting point, that pre-assessment almost, you know, where you're starting out to see where you're, to see that growth. Um, and so I, I thought it was a really cool thing to. You said you're gonna commit to doing it every year, follow along for 10 years and just, you'll get to see the growth in, in progress. It just sounded, I dunno, I guess you could say it pricked my heart too, like yours. It just kind of sounded like a cool thing. when you asked if I wanted to do it, I was, well, you didn't ask. You were kind of hinting at it. And I was like, I hope that's what he hinting at. 'cause I kind of think it would be a cool thing to be a part of.

[00:02:14] Jethro: Well, and I think that this is a good place to, uh, to talk about how we know each other and where we were 10 years ago, because 10 years ago was when I left, uh, Utah to be, uh, in Alaska and. You were, uh, a kindergarten teacher at the school where I was an assistant principal. And I have to brag on you just a little bit because, um, 'cause it's gonna play into what we talk about here.

[00:02:45] Jethro: Uh, so I'll do that in just a second. But 10 years ago, uh, we were basically saying goodbye to each other and who knows? If we were ever going to stay in touch or stay connected, and yet we have over these 10 years, not like we're, you know, uh, chatting all the time or anything like that. But, but probably, honestly, if we looked through our text messages, we would probably, we've probably been in contact like once a year, uh, over the last 10 years.

[00:03:15] Jethro: Does that sound about right to you?

[00:03:17] Courtney: I.

[00:03:19] Jethro: So something like that. And, and you eventually moved to Florida And I would travel to Florida sometimes and we tried to, uh, meet and it never worked out, but that's okay. Uh, 'cause I don't know where anything is in Florida, so. So, so the reason why I'm so excited that you are doing this specifically, Courtney, is because when I was your assistant principal, um, one of my jobs was to evaluate your teaching.

[00:03:50] Jethro: And I will never forget because I share it all the time, uh, as I still do work with school leaders and stuff, uh, that you. You had an evaluation coming up and so you needed the observation done and you're like, Hey, I'm gonna try something totally new for the observation that you're gonna do. That's gonna count towards my evaluation.

[00:04:13] Jethro: And the, the common theme in education is dog and pony show, and. Like, put your best foot forward so that you can do well on the, on the observation, then do well on the evaluation, and then that'll be, that'll be great. And you'll have high marks and all that kind of stuff. And what you were saying instead was, I'm gonna try something new that might fail, but I want you to come and check it out and, and show me and tell me how, how you think it's going.

[00:04:43] Jethro: And I was like. Dang. That's awesome because most of the time teachers are like, oh, not this week. Try again another day. Like, let me find ways to not make it happen. And you were like, I'm gonna do something weird and new, so come give me real feedback. And I was like, this woman is amazing. Every teacher should be like her.

[00:05:04] Jethro: And I don't care what we do for the rest of our lives. She's somebody that I wanna stay close to because that's the kind of person I wanna surround myself with. So. Do you remember that incident at all?

[00:05:15] Courtney: And I think that looking back, it also speaks highly to you because I was comfortable having you in my classroom and I knew you'd give me honest feedback. I truly believe you can't be the best you can be without constructive criticism. And I. You know, you need people that are gonna be honest with you and tell you the truth.

[00:05:34] Courtney: And I wanted to be a good teacher, and so I wanted my evaluations to reflect that. And because I trusted you and knew you would give me that feedback, but do it in a, you know, a nice way that wouldn't make me go cry at home at night. Um, and, and, and not only that, but I knew you would be there to support me and to help me. If wherever I did fail, you know, if I did fail or I didn't succeed, you were gonna be there to help me so that I could succeed in the future. And it just felt very comfortable. And so that also speaks highly of you that, um, you had that relationship with your teachers that you worked with, so.

[00:06:14] Jethro: Yeah, well, I'm sure that not every teacher that I ha that I worked with would say the exact same thing, but I appreciate that you.

[00:06:21] Courtney: It. was actually telling another story about you just the other day, about my first example of when I had to report an abuse case and I couldn't eat lunch, and it was so hard and. And you, I was, I didn't wanna let the little girl go home with her dad that day. And you taught me a really important lesson on parental rights and how, you know, my job as an educator is done after I report it in that instance.

[00:06:45] Courtney: And was a really hard pill for me to swallow. But I still remember that instance too, because I am a huge advocate for parent rights now. And you know, that was kind of, I wasn't a parent at that point. You were. And so that, those kind of things didn't even cross my mind. When I was in the classroom that, well, no, why would parents have, know.

[00:07:09] Jethro: Yeah,

[00:07:13] Jethro: that.

[00:07:18] Jethro: And no, nobody has kids and is like, let me have a kid so that I can abuse them. Right? Let me have a kid so that I can take advantage of them. Uh, even if people joke about that, like they love. The people they bring into this world and the, the kids love their parents flaws and all. And you know, as we talk, you are hopefully gonna feel comfortable to share some of your weaknesses and flaws and things that you wanna improve on over the next decade.

[00:07:49] Jethro: And we will hopefully be able to see how you are improving that and, and growing in that area. And, and that is like what you just said about. I wasn't a parent then and I didn't know how to, uh, to make this work. That was, that's really powerful because there are a lot of things that we don't know that we have to learn over time.

[00:08:13] Jethro: And so where I wanna start with our conversation is I. What life experiences have you had that have brought you to where you're at now? And so like, share how old you are, your family, set up, those kind of things so that people can kind of get an idea of where you're at. And then we're not gonna rehash that every time, but you know, people can come back and listen to this again.

[00:08:36] Jethro: But just to give an idea, because the other thing is we're gonna have people of different ages. Um, as part of this, so, so we'll see how people are interacting at different stages of their life. So go ahead.

[00:08:47] Courtney: Um, I am 35 years old and I. live in Florida. I have married to Trevor and we've been married for 10 years. We just celebrate our 10 year anniversary. I have an 8-year-old daughter, Avery. have a daughter Presley, who passed away, um, early at 26 weeks and she would have been five this year. Um, and then I have Tucker and he is three, and then I have Brooks and he is just turned five months old. Um, so. I have four kids and what life experiences brought me here, um, I've had This, such

[00:09:29] Jethro: That's a.

[00:09:30] Courtney: man. Um, well I, as we said, I started out as a teacher and um, I think if I could pinpoint some of the major things in my life, one of 'em was obviously getting married that. Was a big life event, a big life decision.

[00:09:50] Courtney: Um, I ended up marrying Trevor, um, and then a little farther into our marriage right before we moved to, so having Avery having kids, that has changed a lot of things. I think becoming a parent for priorities, it changes. Um, yeah, it, it changes you a ton. You, it humbles you. It, um. We can, I don't know if we wanna talk about it now or later, but I was, I homeschool my kids or Yeah, my kids.

[00:10:25] Courtney: And I was totally against that 10 years ago. I remember sitting in a faculty room with other coworkers making fun of a parent that pulled her child out to homeschool and thinking she was ruining her kids' life. and so that, I think becoming apparent as well as, um. Your testimony and your relationship with Heavenly Father changes you, um, you become a new creature in Christ and things you never thought you would do in the future. I had some health issues right before we moved here. It was my last year teaching. I was teaching third, second grade at that time. Um. And I started having a bunch of random health issues. Um, was going to doctors, having tests done, MRIs, nerve conduction tests, endoscopies, all kinds of things. nobody could find answers to my symptoms. Um, and that experience shaped me. Um, that was right before we moved here, shortly after we moved here. I got pregnant with Presley and she ended up passing away. Um, so that's another experience that me. Um, then, right after Tucker was born, Trevor lost his job and we were jobless. It was literally like the week after he was born. Um, and

[00:11:51] Jethro: Ugh.

[00:11:52] Courtney: has been a really, a lot of these are hard experiences. I remember them because they were hard, but also because Were my biggest teaching moments and where I feel like they've, they've shaped me.

[00:12:09] Jethro: Yeah, so let's talk about that for a second because part of how this is going to work is that you are going to have trials over the next 10 years and we, we made an agreement before we started doing this that regardless of the trials, we're still gonna push through. Do it. And so, um, basically the only way that you get out of this is if you die, because otherwise we're just gonna push through those trials.

[00:12:36] Jethro: So if, if another child passes, if Trevor dies, if you get divorced, like whatever the other issues are, we're gonna commit to doing this because we're not gonna hide behind the trials is why we're not, we're not, you know. Sharing our story. And the reason why I think that's so important, Courtney, is exactly what you just said, that the trials make you who you are and they, they are the way that we learn.

[00:13:04] Jethro: And, uh, when you go through trials in the middle of it, you don't understand it, but you do get a better understanding later. So will you talk about that a little bit? And you can talk about whatever trials you want, but. What lessons did you learn, and especially as it relates to your faith in Christ, your reliance on the atonement, what things did you learn through those trials that you now know, um, and understanding?

[00:13:33] Jethro: Of course, like you're up a couple steps, but you're not in full enlightenment yet, right? So what, what things have you learned and talk about whatever trials you want in whatever order, and we'll just keep going on that.

[00:13:45] Courtney: that comes to mind is how, um, God prepares you for the trudge you're gonna go through. looking back, I can see that now. You don't always see it going through. Um, but I talked about those health challenges that I was going through. Um, I was having really random. Symptoms. A lot of 'em were like seemingly heart related. Um, but then I had other symptoms too, like tingling and just nausea, random things that didn't seem to be related. And so it was puzzling doctors. And we were having, I was teaching at the time, I was teaching part-time, second grade. Um, and it was probably my hardest year of teaching also because. Even though it was part-time, the other two second grade teachers were brand new at teaching and we had a lot of, um, challenging students that year. And so they were all put in my class because I was the seasoned teacher. it really took its toll on me, um, having just the amount of work that it was and the care that I had for them, making sure they, I wanted everyone to succeed. I wanted to, So that it was really, it was just a really hard year and doctors had no answers for me.

[00:15:05] Courtney: And after pre every procedure we had, I was hoping and praying and praying that there would be some, some answers so that I would know how to move forward. And it just, we just kept hitting red block, um, hitting roadblocks. Um, and so the only person I had to turn to was Jesus Christ. I. Knew. He knew what I was feeling.

[00:15:27] Courtney: He knew what was wrong with me, and whether I knew it or not, whether doctors knew it or not, I knew he knew it and I to stay close to him because I was the only, um, I was the only answer I could give myself. And the only way I could get through these symptoms and, and being a mom to Avery, a wife to Trevor, a teacher, through that experience, I. I learned so much about my savior, um, because I spent so much time with him. I, looking back, I tell Trevor I know that I was, I was in a really good spiritual spot then because I did not wanna watch TV. When he, when we got home from work, I went straight to my scriptures. I wanted to be in my scriptures. I like cra. I, I tell 'em I craved. And when they say you feast upon your scriptures, um, it really felt like I was feasting and I would crave. The peace that I felt when I was reading them, I would crave, um, the peace I felt when I would pray and when I would listen to different hymns and spiritual songs. And I just, any chance that I had a free moment, I was devoting that time heavenly Father in Jesus Christ because. Um, that was the only way I could make it through that time. put me in a really good spiritual spot so that when we moved here. I became pregnant with Presley and it was the hardest pregnancy I've ever gone through. I was super, super sick the entire time that I was pregnant with her throwing up multiple times.

[00:17:02] Courtney: We were in a rental house, um, and our rental company was awful. The air conditioner in Florida at that house did not work and we're in Florida and it, they kept telling me nothing was wrong. They would come out. It was, it was brutal. so I'm so sick throwing up multiple times a day in a hot, hot overheated house.

[00:17:22] Courtney: I have a toddler. We had just moved away from family. I didn't really know people yet. I had also made that transition to being a stay at home mom. And I didn't know what to do with my time. I was so used to having every minute filled of my day and I didn't know how to fill my time. Um. And so it was a really hard transition for me. then, um, so we were in that house for a year and I was pregnant and I continued to stay close to, to heavenly father and Jesus Christ. 'cause again, they were the only ones that could bring me peace and knew what I was going through. And, um, I honestly believe that those. That time in those trials and I learned and how I grew during that year, um, prepared me for losing a child. And I don't think I would've been able

[00:18:18] Jethro: Hmm.

[00:18:18] Courtney: continue to choose Christ and to see the miracles the trial of losing a child if I hadn't gone through that year of hardship before and, learned about who he was, learned his character. I learned about how he felt about me without, um, don't know if I could have still chosen him. Um, I,

[00:18:44] Jethro: Yeah.

[00:18:45] Courtney: don't know how you go through something like that without Jesus Christ. But I also don't know how you choose Jesus Christ going through something like that if you don't already have a relationship with him. And so, um, at, at 26 weeks pregnant. Um, we had been, because our rental house was so awful, we had been looking to buy a house and we knew we loved our ward.

[00:19:09] Courtney: We knew where we wanted, what area we wanted to be in. And we had been looking that whole year for a house. And this house that we're in now, we weren't gonna come look at it. It seemed to be too. of our price range. And we, my brother actually told, he was here visiting and he's like, just go look at it and see and run the numbers and see, you know, your taxes or the HOA and all these things might be different.

[00:19:35] Courtney: So just run the numbers. So we came and I, I loved this house and we ended up running the numbers and, um, ended up being in our price range because of where, where it was, the taxes were different and everything. Um, started. Everything just started to fall into place with this house. Um, that didn't fall into place on other houses we had put offers in, and the morning we came to close on this house. Um, I, it is the morning I went into labor with Presley and I, we were signing, we were

[00:20:09] Jethro: Wow.

[00:20:09] Courtney: paperwork, everything. And actually that night before, I'm gonna back up a little bit because this is another miracle that happened that testifies that. Christ was, it was with me the entire time throughout this whole thing. Um, that weekend we had some friends that had BYU tickets to the BYU game in Orlando, and they asked us if we wanted 'em, and we told 'em yes, and then they had two more tickets and they couldn't find anyone to have those tickets. And, um, they're, they're longtime family friends. And so the wife, she was talking to my mom. And she was like, Hey, why don't you and Burt fly out? Those are my parents, Burt and Paula. Why don't you guys fly out and use those other two tickets? And you can see Courtney and Trevor, know you can see Courtney and Trevor at the same time. And my dad is an airline pilot so they can fly for free and, and so my mom called me and she was like, Hey, what do you think if we come out?

[00:21:06] Courtney: It's kind of last minute. And I was like, come, that's fine. You're welcome to come. And she's like, okay, well I'll talk to dad and we'll see. And they had decided they weren't gonna come. It was too fast of a turnaround. They weren't gonna come. And that day she, um, she ended up calling me. She was like, you know what?

[00:21:23] Courtney: We had a last minute change of heart. We're, if it's still okay, we're gonna come to, we're gonna come and see you. We're coming in tonight on the red eye. Um, can Trevor come pick us up? And I was like, yep, we'll be there. We'll pick you up. Sweet. We're excited to see you. So it was a very last minute decision that they decided to come.

[00:21:42] Jethro: Interject real quick. You, uh, if I remember correctly, are very close with your parents and your, your mom. Being around as the story is about to unfold has, is definitely a miracle for sure. Uh. Because that is, that is incredible. Like a lot of people like their parents and love them, but you, I remember just, uh, adore your parents and they just adore you and, uh, they're wonderful people.

[00:22:12] Jethro: So, anyway, I don't mean to interrupt, but I just think that that is such a key point to this, that it's not just, it's not just your mom happens to be coming in. This is like, uh, a, a rock in your life that she's coming and that's a huge deal.

[00:22:27] Courtney: Both of 'em, both my parents. I have, I mean, my dad is just as much of a rock, and so they, flew in at three o'clock in the morning and Trevor went to go pick him up. And when Trevor woke up. Um, that, that evening before we went to bed, I was kind of feeling off, but I just kind of shrugged it off.

[00:22:45] Courtney: I went to bed and at three o'clock when Trevor came home with him, um, I told my mom, I was like, I feel really weird. I don't know if I'm having contractions or what, but something is was up. And she was like, well, it's late, you know, like, go to bed and we'll see how things are in the morning, which was the morning that we were gonna close on our house.

[00:23:04] Courtney: So we woke up and. We got ready and we went to, we came to this house to do the final walkthrough, and then we were gonna go close on it. And the entire time we were doing the walkthrough, um, I was stopping because I, I just knew I was having contractions and I kept telling Trevor, I was like, to call my doctor, but I wanna, I don't wanna mess this up.

[00:23:23] Courtney: I want this house. Like, we need to get this house. We need to close. And so we. Drove to the office where everything, we were signing all the papers and they were explaining everything to us. And finally about halfway through, I looked at the realtor and the notary and I said, stop explaining what these papers are.

[00:23:43] Courtney: I'm gonna sign 'em and then I need to go outside and call my doctor. And they're like, what's wrong? I was like, I think I'm in labor. And they're like, okay. So they start passing the papers. I signed 'em really fast. And then when I was out, they started kind of explaining a little bit to Trevor as he was signing them. So I went outside.

[00:23:58] Jethro: And

[00:23:59] Courtney: He's like,

[00:24:00] Jethro: he's.

[00:24:01] Courtney: yeah, what's happening? I went outside and I called my doctor and they said, you need to come in and we'll check you and everything. So I went in and I was in labor. I was already dilated to a three. Um, so, and the hospital that's right by her house that I was at, didn't have a nicu.

[00:24:18] Courtney: And she was, if she came, she was early enough that they needed a nicu. So they, um. They called for an ambulance to come pick me up. We called my parents. They were with Avery, which was a blessing that they were here to watch her. And they were like, it's fine. Just do what you need to do. And, um, so Trevor came in and there was a lot of, they were giving me injections to try to stop it and do all these things. Um. Before while we were waiting for the ambulance to show up, and Trevor kept saying, I need, I need to give you a blessing.

[00:24:57] Courtney: And I was like, I know, I know. We'll, we'll find a place. And was a nurse there that had been with me and she, um, I told her, I was like, I really need him to gimme a blessing. And she interpreted that as, and he's gonna say a prayer over her. And so she was like, okay, okay. Okay. And so. She gathered everyone up in the room and held their hands and said, okay, we're ready. And he's like, okay. And right as they're doing that and gathering 'em up, the um, ambulance team walked in and they're like, okay. So they grabbed hands really fast, like, what are we doing? And Trevor's like, okay, this is weird. So he just ends up saying a prayer. He didn't give a blessing. He just said a prayer when prayer was over. Um. The one of the ambulance workers, he leaned over to Trevor and he said, are you a member of the church of Jesus Christ, Latterday Saints? And he was like, yeah, I am. And he goes, so am I. I could tell by the way you prayed. And he was like, no way. And he was like, would you be able to help give my wife a blessing? he said. Absolutely. so in the middle of Tampa, Florida, where we're not in Utah here, you know, there's only a handful of members of the church. One of 'em was my ambulance ambulance team, and he, him and Trevor, um, we told that sweet nurse, we're saying, okay, that was a prayer. Now we're actually gonna give a blessing.

[00:26:27] Courtney: And she was like, okay. And laid their hands on my head and they gave me a blessing. so that was another miracle that happened. Um, and I was rushed after that to, um, Tampa General, which is downtown Tampa, where they have a nicu. And they stopped my labor for a few days and, um, days later it started up again.

[00:26:53] Courtney: And, um, inevitably Wesley needed to be born, my water broke and everything. And so she was born. Um, and she, um. Was in the NICU for six days. Um, on the fifth day she caught an infection that's, um, it's called NEC, necrotizing and Enteritis and it is because it's in her, it's infection in her bowels.

[00:27:23] Courtney: Um, and it's just starts to eat away at her bowels. they didn't, they caught, by the time they caught it, it was already pretty severe. Um, and so the antibiotics and everything didn't help, and a lot of her colon and her intestine were already eaten away, so they had to be removed. they, um, her into surgery and removed her colon and a large portion of her bowels. Um, and everything went well in that. Surgery. Um, and that all happened overnight. It was in the middle of the night when they did that. And so the next morning, once they stabilized her and everything, they said, why don't you guys go get some sleep? And so we went back to her room, Trevor and I, and they brought in recliners and we fell asleep.

[00:28:14] Courtney: And about an hour later they came and woke us up and said, That she's bleeding out into her abdomen and they can't control the bleeding. And it was only a matter of time. And so we went and, um, held her and spent time with her and, um, and to make the call of when all of her machines that were giving her life. Um,

[00:28:44] Jethro: Wow.

[00:28:45] Courtney: I.

[00:28:48] Jethro: It, it's hard enough to say goodbye to your child, but to have to make that decision to, uh, to pull the plug is, is unbelievable. And how did you, uh, how, how did that process go and how did you make that decision?

[00:29:05] Courtney: hard because we had given her blessings. We had been praying count like times, obviously. Um, just pleading that she would be healed and to be honest, up at, right up until the surgery really, I never was scared. I had so much faith that. My father couldn't do this to me. He couldn't take away my second child.

[00:29:31] Courtney: Like, that's crazy. You know, I have faith. I know he can heal her. I know he's gonna heal her. I know the team that we're working with is awesome and they, I had complete trust and faith in them and abilities, and I was, it just, it never crossed my mind that death was even an option until right before her surgery. And so it was kind of overwhelming. And when I. They said that I actually turned to Trevor. I said, I'm, I don't wanna hold her. I can't be the one holding her when she dies, because I don't know if she'll gasp her breath. I don't know if it'll be this physical, like if I'll see it physically on her. I, I don't, I don't want that to be my last memory with her.

[00:30:12] Courtney: I can't, I can't do it. And I was like, you're gonna have to hold her. And, he said, no, you're her mom. She needs her mom. He was like, I think you'll regret it. I think you need to be the one holding her. So he held her first with all this stuff and, and then I held her and, and I kind of just like, just do it.

[00:30:39] Courtney: I, I just kind of had to make the decision because. Otherwise I would've kept second guessing. Like, okay, well if I wait one more minute, maybe then the blessing will work. Maybe then the miracle will happen. And some point you just have to accept God's will and have faith that he knows better than you do. And he could have saved this infant before this point in time if that's what he wanted to. He had the ability to do that and he didn't, It's not because he doesn't love me. It's not because he doesn't love her. It's not because he doesn't love Trevor, because as we've said though, I, I just said two of the countless miracles that have that happened surrounding this whole thing. So it's not a matter of if he was there, if he was listening, if he knew all the situation, if he loved us. It wasn't a matter of any of those things. And I think that's where. Faith is kind of a tricky thing is when and is when. You have to have faith trust when it's not what you want, when your will doesn't align with God's will, and that's the hardest aspect of faith and.

[00:31:58] Jethro: Well in, in, in that moment, like you, you still have faith. That she can be healed and that God can perform miracles because he does. And yet this wasn't the miracle that he needed to perform, and yet there were other miracles. So what, and we, we may not be ready for this, so there may be more to the story.

[00:32:23] Jethro: So if I'm getting ahead of myself, like how do you feel in that moment? Are you like. You mad at God? Are you frustrated? Are you going through waves? Sometimes you are. Sometimes you're not. Like, and, and if you need to tell the rest of the story, you certainly can, and then we can get to that question.

[00:32:40] Courtney: Um, I never really got mad at God. It's, a lot of people say it's part of the grief process and I got mad at other things. I got mad that I, you know, wasn't gonna get to have, all her milestones. And I got mad at like. Situations, for some reason it was never directed toward God. I've never, and I think, like I said before, because I had such a good relationship with him before from that year of preparation, that I feel like, um, I was never mad at him. was more mad at the situation and just sad. I. Really deep sadness. I've never felt that before. You know? So we, um, yeah, we took all of her machines off and later on my chest, that was the first time I got to really hold her, um, with, without any machines or anything. Um, the other, only other time I got told her was right before surgery, and they did, and she was hooked up to everything.

[00:33:46] Courtney: And, and the only reason. They let me was because she was going into surgery and it was so uncertain because she was so tiny if she would even make it through the surgery. Um, and so it was the first time I held her and it, I just broke down in tears 'cause it just felt so good to hold her, hold my baby and just cuddle her, you know? And we have a picture of her like that. And. They had unplugged her from everything except the morphine, just so that she was in pain or anything, you can see the corner of her mouth curling up in that picture. And the nurses and Trevor all commented on it and they said, look, she's smiling because she's finally free from everything she's going through and she's being held by her mom. never gasped for air, like all the things I was scared of. She never shown any signs of pain. Um, and so looking back, I was really grateful that Trevor was wise enough to, to tell me to be the one to, to do that. 'cause I cherish that, that memory work.

[00:35:00] Jethro: Mm-Hmm.

[00:35:02] Courtney: so passed away. Um, called the time. Um, they said We can be in there as long as we want, and, and. We were in there for a little bit and they came, and then we went to her room and we were gathering stuff up and they came and took pictures of her. And, um, and I, wanted to go back in and hold her again without all the things. And went in there, but I didn't wanna get really close. 'cause I told him, how do you, how do you walk away from your child?

[00:35:36] Courtney: How do you leave your child there that they're gonna take her down to a cold freezer? And so I didn't, I, if I didn't walk away, then I would, I wouldn't have been able to walk away. So I of left and he came out and we had all of our stuff and we walked downstairs and he went and got the car and I waited and. It was in this like roundabout area where everyone waits to be picked up, that's being discharged. And there it was very busy and bustling and um, and loud. And it was like, you see the movies where your whole world is just like, you just feel numb and everything's silent. Like you just don't know how to comprehend everything.

[00:36:22] Courtney: You're just looking around you're like, what just happened? What? How is this even real, you know? Um. But what a blessing that my parents were there to be with Avery through those six days of back and forth and, and and I mean, there were other miracles right before before her surgery when things had started to go bad.

[00:36:52] Courtney: We were on our way back to the hospital and my bishop me and he was like, are you at the hospital? And I said, no, Trevor and I are on our way back and. And he said, okay, well, Terry, his wife and him, they said, we just got here. We're in the waiting room. We're waiting for you guys. I felt like I needed to come.

[00:37:09] Courtney: And I was like, okay. And I hung up and I looked over at Trevor and I said, I do not need visitors right now. I don't know why he came. was a little bugged. And we go there and he, he said, we don't wanna be here long, but we came because we feel like you and Trevor need blessings. And he was like, would you like that?

[00:37:33] Courtney: And I said, actually, yeah, that would be good. And so I let him, he gave us blessings and

[00:37:39] Jethro: I don't want visitors, but I will take a blessing.

[00:37:41] Courtney: I'm not gonna act bug and I'll take that fine, I guess. And he gave us a blessing. And then when we, and then he left him and his left, and. Turn upside down. And so he was very in tune. Um, and he told me later that he felt very strongly that he needed to go. That's why he didn't call first. They just got in the car and drove to the hospital. And then when we weren't there, that's when he called me. Um, and I mean, just miracle after miracle that. I'm sure we didn't. I'm sure. I don't even remember them all 'cause I, I didn't write 'em down till later and I wish I would've journaled about it sooner. But, um, yeah. So trying.

[00:38:36] Jethro: Okay. Well, I have more questions if I may. So, um, so you said that you, you were prepared for this in the year leading up to it and. It, we, we have a really hard time in our trials seeing how they are preparing us for something. Um, and so what you, you hinted on it before, but what were the things that really prepared you that, or how did it really prepare you and what did it prepare you for and was it just accepting God's will or was there something more to it that, that you needed to, to have during that time?

[00:39:18] Jethro: So just talk about that aspect of it, if you wouldn't mind.

[00:39:22] Courtney: um, I think I, it, I was prepared because I spent so much time. Like I said, I, I only had one child at the time. When I look at how much time I had back then, I didn't think I had time, but now I don't have time. I had time back then, but I, any time, like I said, any time that I had, I spent it with. God with Jesus.

[00:39:52] Courtney: So whether that was reading scriptures, reading conference talks, praying, fasting, I was in the temple a ton, Trevor and I committed to going weekly at that time. So we were going to the temple, um, we were basically living within our covenants. We were doing everything we we needed to be doing. Um, were. In a teachable mindset. We, we, least I was, I wanted something and Trevor was too. He was trying to decide if we were gonna move here or not, and what direction to take with his job. and if we were gonna move away from family, everything. So we were, maybe because we were looking for something, we were looking for answers, we needed guidance. and so we were kind of, we were in a teachable. I feel like we were in a very teachable place. We, we were doing these things in the hopes that we would find answers. And so, um, any chance that I, yeah.

[00:40:55] Jethro: So on that point, we, we often have impressions to read our scriptures or to stop watching a show or stop scrolling through Instagram or whatever, you know, and we don't follow them. And this time you did, and I'm sure that your, uh. Your feasting on the scriptures has reduced since then. Right. And so what was it about this particular time that made you so willing and eager to feast on the word, and, and how do you, how do you reconcile that with where you're at now and how that compares?

[00:41:31] Jethro: What, what are your thoughts there?

[00:41:33] Courtney: just, I needed answers. I knew God could speak to you through scripture. That was one of the ways that he answers your prayers, and that was, that's probably the easiest way that I get answers from my prayers. I don't always recognize when the spirit's talking to me. I don't, you know, getting answers is kind of, it's different for everyone and. I'm still learning how to receive, how God talks to me. But through the scriptures is one of the ways that I've had multiple experiences of getting answers. Um, when I was going through my health challenges, we, Trevor and I had a cruise planned and we, I didn't know if I should cancel it or not. He didn't want to. I didn't, I didn't wanna be out in the middle of the water and have something happen. And so we went to the temple and I, in the session room, I opened up, I can't remember the scripture now, but it. It sounds weird, but it basically told me that we shouldn't, we shouldn't go on our cruise. And I showed it to him and he was like, dang it, okay, guess we'll cancel the cruise. And um, I've had multiple times where, where prayers have been answered through scripture. And so that's one of the reasons that I was so motivated too. In the scriptures is, 'cause I knew that's how, that was one of the ways God could talk to me. kind of like how you had that phrase general conference, you know, stick out to you and it pricked your heart. Um, there were things like in the scriptures that would, comfort and peace that would just speak to me and scriptures that I had read before that that had new meaning because of the health challenges I was going through. The initiatory when I'd go to the temple had new meaning because the promises, because of the health issues I was going through, my patriarchal blessing, um, where it promises me that I'll have good health and live long on this earth, took on new meaning and I studied that more.

[00:43:31] Courtney: Like, okay, well I'm not right now, so how can I get to that point? What do I need to do? Heaven? My father is the only one that knew what was wrong with me, so he's the only one that could kind of. that path. So, um, spent a lot of time with him learning, just studying and learning. And it's all the things that they tell, all the primary answers that they tell you to do.

[00:43:54] Courtney: All the things you know, you're always supposed to be doing that you don't always do. And I think I just was so desperate for answers and so desperate for, for something. And the only way I felt peace and felt. 'cause I felt so sick. I felt better was when I was those things. I felt productive.

[00:44:13] Courtney: I felt like I was doing something that was gonna better myself. Um, whether it was spiritually or physically, I was hoping physically would come. I got really involved in the family history work during that time, um, and reading of my ancestors going through hardships, and only having God to rely on. Were inspiring to me and they brought me comfort and knowing that, you know, I'm not the only one that goes through hard things. People have been going through hard things for since the beginning of time, and gotten through it and they've gotten through it because of God and God's helped them. And so, um, so those are the things I was doing, and they. It did start to dwindle closer to Presley, I was still, I mean, I was doing them more than I was now and I was in, I just feel like I was in a really good, it's kind of like when you're in a teenager and you go to EFY and you go on that spiritual high for that week, and you come home and it's, or I'm sure a mission.

[00:45:25] Courtney: I didn't serve a mission, but I'm sure it's the same. You're on the spiritual high on your mission and then you come home and. You know, you get into the routines of life and you kind of stop, but, but I felt like it was, was on this spiritual high for that year, and it, it really, it just prepared me for, it prepared me to see the miracles.

[00:45:47] Courtney: It prepared me to turn God instead of away from him. I think it prepared me to know, like I said, I, I knew he wasn't. Doing this to, to get at me or because he didn't love us. He, this wasn't a challenge that, that he wasn't giving me this trial because I, I was being punished for any reason that I didn't feel like that was in his character. was just he has a greater plan and he was really just, he was teaching me about faith and about. He was solidifying of the lessons that I had had learned. I dunno, almost putting it to the test, like, do you

[00:46:35] Jethro: Yeah.

[00:46:36] Courtney: believe these things that you've done this last year? Are these really, do you really believe these?

[00:46:40] Courtney: Let's see. I don't know. Not that he did it for a test, but

[00:46:44] Jethro: Yeah.

[00:46:44] Courtney: me, it was, I could look back and say, yeah, I, I truly have testimonies of those things that I learned because. Even going through these hard things, those are what got me through. So if that makes sense.

[00:47:00] Jethro: Well, yeah, it, it totally does. And, and the thing that's so amazing is that it, it definitely is a test. Because that's what we're here for. But it's not like a test, as in like you're, you're not worthy if you fail it. It's more a test of who are you really, because it's you. You can't go through something like that and not show.

[00:47:27] Jethro: Who you really are, right? You, you can't be fake anymore. At that point, the health challenges and then, uh, presley's pregnancy, and then her birth, and then her death. Like you just can't. You can't be pretending at that point. You have to, you have to be the real Courtney, the real daughter of God. Uh, this is who you are at your essence.

[00:47:52] Jethro: And because everything else is, I think just stripped away. Does that resonate with you? Does that feel like, like that's accurate or, or is there something missing there?

[00:48:01] Courtney: think that's a hundred percent accurate. You, yeah. to be real and who you really are. And I think for yourself too, you dig deep to find who you really

[00:48:14] Jethro: Mm-Hmm.

[00:48:15] Courtney: those times, and I. How you react. Yeah, absolutely. How you react to different situations. And, and it's funny because I tell Trevor during that time, like right after Presley passed away, there's, you know, it's kind of an awkward situation for other people to know what to say. Other people don't know how to, to approach you. They don't know how, what to say to you. Um, It's almost, I, I kind of laugh 'cause it's almost like people say dumb things they don't say anything, which is not necessarily good either, or they, I don't know. They just, it's, I. Or, or I feel like I'm having to consult them, like, like they're kind of like living in their mind what they think it might be like.

[00:49:09] Courtney: And it makes them so sad that I'm like trying to comfort them. Like it's, it's okay, you know? And

[00:49:16] Jethro: Okay.

[00:49:17] Courtney: you're,

[00:49:18] Jethro: It.

[00:49:18] Courtney: it's okay. And I mean, I joke with them all the time. If you're starting a sentence with, at least that's the wrong thing to say, like, you don't, and my biggest thing is. From coming outta this is you can't compare your challenges with other people's.

[00:49:34] Courtney: You can't compare the hard things that you go through in life. because everyone is dealt what they can handle what they need, and I. And it's not, it's not a competition on who, who handled this challenge better, whose was harder. It's not a competition. And you don't saying at least kind of undermine, well, at least you didn't get to bring her home from the hospital. Well, at least, well yeah, but I still lost her. You know, like starting a sentence with at least doesn't, and so people say really kind of things that are, a lot of people could get mad at, could be insensitive to, um. And I feel like, although I had thoughts going through my head, I never really got like mad at people. I kind of, I don't know. I feel like, I feel like this experience has given me sympathy for people. It's helped me relate to people going through whatever challenge they're going through. It almost has helped me live my baptismal covenants better because even if I'm not, if I haven't experienced what you've experienced, hard, and if this is hard for you, then I am sorry that you're going through this and I wanna help you through it because. Because it's hard and, and it's you, you shouldn't go through hard things alone. And if I can help go through this hard thing, if I can help you become closer to Christ in this hard thing so that you can get through it, then that's, that's what I feel like part of the purpose of me going through this was so that I can help others through, through their challenges,

[00:51:28] Jethro: Yeah. Yeah, so, so it doesn't do any good to compare your trials and challenges to other people, but there's still value in you sharing this experience with others, and it makes it possible for you to mourn with those that mourn right in, in that baptism covenant that you're talking about. But you, you can't compare your trials, but what can you do?

[00:51:55] Jethro: With other people's trials and, and where, where is the benefit in, in sharing what's going on and how you're feeling and how you're experiencing things. What can you do by knowing about other people's trials?

[00:52:11] Courtney: Um, like, are you asking what do I do or are you asking for like. Other people clarify, I guess what.

[00:52:26] Jethro: Well, yeah. What, what I'm thinking, Courtney is, is. You, you can't compare, but you can do something with it. And what is that something that you can do? And you, you mentioned having empathy for people, and I think that that's important and valuable. Um, but you can also learn from other people's trials and, and, and there are some other things.

[00:52:48] Jethro: Is there anything that you would say, uh. This trial has prepared you for something else or given you insight into something that you would not have known otherwise.

[00:53:02] Courtney: Um, yes. Let me think for a second.

[00:53:12] Jethro: All.

[00:53:19] Courtney: I think, I think it opened up my eyes to how, how much we need the atonement in our life and like, like you said, sharing, I. Sharing these experiences, it helps you connect, it helps you connect with other people that have gone through hard things. I have, I mean, just, just going through loss, um, whether, I mean, mine was a loss of a child, but it's helped me connect with other people that have gone through any kind of loss it. It is helpful to, I don't know, I don't know how to answer this question. I'm, I'm struggling with this one.

[00:54:18] Jethro: That's okay. And, and we can come back to it or just move on because I do have a lot of other questions, uh, about this whole situation. That are really, I, I think instructive because I know some of the things that you've done because of this and, and how you have blessed other people's lives. Um, so this question, uh, I I hope we come back to this question every year because I think that your opinion is gonna change as time goes on and, um.

[00:54:51] Jethro: And I say this because, uh, you know, my oldest daughter Katya with Down Syndrome, and every year I feel like I get a deeper understanding of why that happened and, and what I need to learn from it. And it just goes layer and layer and layer and layer. And, and I'm sure that, that, that is similar with you.

[00:55:14] Jethro: So. For today, why do you believe that God allowed Presley to live for six days and then die so quickly after she was born and born prematurely? Like why? Why did that happen and why was that a worthwhile thing for you, for her, for your family, extended family to experience?

[00:55:40] Courtney: So today I feel like this happened. Um, honestly, I don't, I don't fully understand why it all happened today. Um. I don't know if I ever understand, but I hope I, I hope like that I, I gain more understanding as time goes on. I think if anything, it has taught me that God's plan is bigger than, than my own. Um, and because of all the miracles that Happened, I can say with confidence that I know that I know that he is aware. And so there's definitely lessons that I needed to learn and that I've been taught through this experience. Whether, whether I could have learned those through other experiences or not, I'm, I'm sure that I could have, um. But there's definitely, definitely lessons that I needed to learn as a mom and as a parent, um, as a wife. It was, I think it was really strengthening to go through something like this for Trevor and I for our marriage. Um, I think it has, um, transformed. I don't know. It has definitely played a part into who I am. the way I deal with different situations as a mom. Um, there's still trials,

[00:57:18] Jethro: Give me an example.

[00:57:19] Courtney: that I go through. So like anytime my, my children are sick, I, I've never felt anxiety before until after Presley passed away. Anytime one of my children is sick, I feel overwhelming anxiety. Um, that is just. My mind just goes to the, the worst place possible. Like, something's bad is gonna happen, they're sick and they're never gonna recover from this. Um, but because of that, it has led me down, um, paths of health and strengthening our bodies, eating better. All these other experience or ways of living that have changed because of that. Um, and those. Those same things. I mean, eating better and learning more about our body and health and everything is also what has healed me from those health issues. I was, got answers to those health issues, what was wrong with me, but changing my diet and, and learning that food can be medicine and, and different ways you can, that that can happen, have. Put us where we are now. Um, it's also like we wanna have a farm one day. That's part of Trevor's and my dream. We wanna homestead and kind of doing that a little bit now with what we have, but, um, that's part of it is because of health. We want to grow our own food and raise our own food, and that's part of it too.

[00:58:48] Courtney: So it's definitely played, played into where we want to go. Moving, makes sense.

[00:59:00] Jethro: Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[00:59:01] Courtney: might

[00:59:02] Jethro: And again,

[00:59:03] Courtney: I might need to pause.

[00:59:04] Jethro: yeah, no problem. We can pause some things are different now and, uh, things like wanting to have a homestead. Uh, you've been a public school teacher and now you. Are homeschooling your kids. So do you wanna talk about some of those changes that have happened and, uh, you know, whether or not they were influenced by Presley's passing or not?

[00:59:26] Jethro: Um, however you wanna want to talk about that. What we're really interested in is, um, is not necessarily the political reasons why you're doing things, but the spiritual reasons. Why? Because those are deeper and, and more powerful than, than what I think a lot of people give those at face value. So let.

[00:59:47] Courtney: Yeah, so I think those are the two biggest ones for sure, is homeschooling and wanting a homestead. Um, I've always kind of been a little more old fashioned, and I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom and I, when I went to Idaho for school, BYU Idaho, I wanted to live on a farm. I've always just kind of wanted that. Um, but think, um, that lifestyle appeals to us more because of Presley. Um, it's just kind of, you can see how. How noisy life can get and how, you kind of, when you have all that noise, you kind of take little things for granted, like having your kids with you every day. Um, same with homeschooling. I, not one of the main reasons.

[01:00:40] Courtney: Um, I was already playing with the idea of homeschooling when before we got pregnant with Presley, but it's definitely helped solidify that I want that time with my kids. Um. Statistic of how many hours you get back with your kids when you're homeschooling versus sending 'em to school. It's huge. Um, so that's definitely, um, a big part of, or a big perk, I guess, of homeschooling, um, that Presley has kind of influenced. Um, I, I feel like that's also a blessing too, from father. I, I don't know. I don't feel like things happen by chance. Heavenly father kind of nudges you and guides you down. I mean, he lets you choose, obviously, but he does try to help guide you and, and nudge you, especially if you're in a place where you want to be guided and you're asking for that help.

[01:01:38] Courtney: And, and, um, when I, I said before. I had kids, I remember sitting in the faculty room with my kindergarten team and we were making fun of a parent that pulled their kid out for homeschool thinking they were ruining their kids' life and their kid was never gonna have a social life. They were gonna be weird kids. Who is this parent to think that they can teach this child? They don't have the degree that I have. They don't have very, just prideful. how, how you can be when you're younger and you're invincible and you have all the answers and you know everything. And I look back at at me then. And how these life experiences have just changed that whole perspective. the first one was becoming a mom. When you become a parent, you quickly realize a lot of your fault, your flaws, that you didn't before you realize. I mean, being a parent is hard. It's not easy. Um, I mean, just starting out with pregnancy, just pregnancy alone is hard to go through.

[01:02:45] Courtney: You're, you're, it's very. You sacrifice a lot of yourself for this child and, and it humbles you and your priorities change. And because you now have this tiny human to take care of and, that you are making all the decisions for and everything. Um. start to reflect on your values and things that you thought you knew and different things.

[01:03:15] Courtney: And when I had Avery, um, I just started to see things that I didn't agree with in the school system. I, I love being a teacher. I love being a teacher. I think teachers are amazing. I think everybody that's, most everybody that's in the teaching profession does it because they want to help children. They. have a passion for teaching most of the time. Not always, but most of the time they, I think educators are some of the hardest working people I know they're very talented. Um, but the longer I was in it, I just decided that I, I wanted something different. I maybe because of my education background too, I wanted something, a different way of learning for my children. Um. being a kindergarten teacher taught me that too. didn't feel like kindergarten, how I taught it, was as developmentally appropriate as it could have been based on my schooling and different things that I had gone through. and that there were better ways to do things. And the only way that I. Do those things was homeschooling. Like, tell me you should open up your own school. Different things, like all the time. That just seemed way too big for me. I, I didn't want that either. Like, I just, one of my favorite quotes is, um, if you wanna change the world, go home and love your family. And I feel like your biggest influence is right in your, in your family.

[01:04:54] Courtney: And so I felt like that was a better way to spend my time. Um, and so just. That perspective just started to change and, and I, Trevor's mom homeschooled his youngest, and I remember when we first met her, she was like, oh, you're a teacher. Have you ever thought of homeschooling? I was like, Nope, will. When I had Avery, she would bring it up and I would tell Trevor, if you think if your mom thinks I'm gonna homeschool her grandchildren, she better think again 'cause it's never happening. And here I am homeschooling her grandchildren. And so the Lord has put, you know, he put different people in my life.

[01:05:36] Courtney: My, um, my singles ward, Bishop Brick, first counselor, his daughter, um. wrote this book that she homeschools and she wrote this book. And, um, I was, I worked on the activities committee with this Bishop Rick member and he, I can't remember how, but this book of his daughters in my hands and it just spoke to me and it was like, oh my gosh, maybe I could homeschool.

[01:06:05] Courtney: And just little things like that, that kind of, yeah, that influenced that. Decision to the point where we moved here and it was time to make that decision. And I and Covid happened. Avery would've started like right around when Covid was all happening and schools were shut down and different things. And so it just happened and I loved it.

[01:06:31] Courtney: I absolutely loved it. I feel like I'm using education and my skills and my degree. Um. And I'm still, I still get all the parts of teaching that I love, um, but I get control over what I teach and how I teach it and different things like that. And so I,

[01:06:54] Jethro: Yeah, that's okay. We love babies. Uh, so what about your spiritual gifts and your, your, your spiritual teaching in the home? Uh, how, how is that working out and where are you finding the balance? And you mentioned that Avery just got baptized this year or recently. So how, how are you weaving in gospel teaching and spiritual teaching to your kids as well?

[01:07:20] Courtney: So that's another one of the main things that was a, this book that my Bishop Rick daughter wrote it.

[01:07:30] Jethro: Do you remember the name of it?

[01:07:31] Courtney: A meeting with the principal, but principal, PLE, not principal. Um, and it talked a lot about, um, early education in the church and when they were trying to set up. You know, education, when they moved to Utah and stuff like that, she had different quotes from general authorities and, and they, it talked about how you can teach all these subjects with God, you know, God shouldn't be left out of them. and I thought that was a really cool concept. And, um, so that was, that's been one of my biggest priority since starting to homeschool, is making sure that we keep a. We're always talking about religion in, in every subject in math. I mean, there's, you can, you can weave, not weave God, but you can teach every subject and have a spiritual, in a spiritual context, basically. Math, reading, science, history, everything. so, um. When I am planning out our curriculum or our lessons or whatever, that's always my, my first goal, that I go to. Um, we do. I've had Avery in the scriptures since she started kindergarten. She's been marking her scriptures and writing and she, I think she became such a good reader because we were reading scripture and scripture.

[01:09:04] Courtney: It has hard words and phonics patterns and everything, but she was, she was reading 'em and she wanted to read them because, kids, they wanna do what they see their parents do. And she saw Trevor and I studying our scriptures and reading and. And marking. And she, she's the one that asked me, can I have my own scriptures to mark? And, and so we would, we would mark a scripture and we'd do copy work every day. And we would do, you know, she, I don't know. It's just, it's, I, when I'm planning out my curriculum. I try to, if it's not curriculum that that is already religious, I find ways to bring into it and come follow me has been for that.

[01:09:53] Courtney: I love the church for coming out with Come follow me because it's, makes my life so much simpler and um, and like when I'm teaching history and social studies and stuff, it's so easy to teach. I. World events and different things around what we're learning in the scriptures is really neat. so it's also when we found, we're part of a, a co-op, a homeschool community, it's Christian based.

[01:10:25] Courtney: And so she has a lot of friends that are Christian and have similar beliefs. Not totally same, but similar beliefs that helped her. She. She gets so excited when she sees somebody wearing a cross or something, she's like, Hey mom. They believe in, in Jesus too. And it's helped her like, connect with people instead of putting up a, a wall of division.

[01:10:49] Courtney: Like, oh, we're different. We can't, you know, it's helped her learn how to find commonalities with, with different people. And, and she, yeah, she loves it. It's, it's funny. Um, so. I did.

[01:11:09] Jethro: Yeah, that's good. Um, so there are, there are a couple things that, uh, elder Stevenson mentioned in his talk that, that I thought were beneficial. He said there are four divinely appointed responsibilities, number one. Live. Hello, number one, live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Number two, care for those in need.

[01:11:32] Jethro: Number three, invite all to receive the gospel. And number four, unite families for eternity. And so how are you? I. Seeing and using any one of those or all of those, and we can go back through 'em. Um, what, how are you incorporating those into your life, uh, in ways that you maybe didn't think you would be, you know, five, 10 years ago?

[01:12:03] Jethro: Yep, no problem. Live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Care for those in need. Invite all to receive the gospel and unite families for eternity.

[01:12:17] Courtney: For me sound like blessings that come from the temple, um, and

[01:12:23] Jethro: Hmm.

[01:12:23] Courtney: your temple covenants. Um, one of the things that has really influenced me with from Presley is. I believe that Presley is on the other side doing missionary work, has lots of prophets and stuff that have testified that that's what's going on in the spirit world. So I think she is a missionary and so something that, um, I've kind of committed to do since her passing is to be a missionary to the gospel.

[01:12:58] Courtney: So that view. Something her and I can do together as mother and daughter since she's not here. It's something that, that connects me to her, I feel like. And so, um, so any way that I can share the gospel, um, A missionary is what is, is something that I try to do and is really important to me. Um, whether it be through missionary work or serving others, um, we do, you know, the blanket drive that we do every year for her birthday in honor of her, um. We get blank, we collect blankets and we give them to the Tampa General NICU where she stayed. Um, and then we also, we've done bereavement packages for parents there. We've done, um, gowns and clothing for babies that pass away things that we do there, but we've all, we always include, um, pictures of Christ scriptures and different, different ways of sharing the gospel and bringing. That hope to people. Um, and we, Trevor and I, we have committed to spending more time in the temple, which unites families on both sides of the veil because Presley. Um, we. I'm sorry, I think he's distracted me. Remind me of your question again. I wanna make sure.

[01:14:41] Jethro: Fine. So, uh, so you talked about the, the blanket drive and the things that you do. Um, what I'm curious about further beyond this is. You, you still talk about Presley as though she is your child because she is Right. And she's, it's not like I have three kids and one of them passed away. It's, I have four kids and one of them passed away and she's, she's still counted in that.

[01:15:10] Jethro: And so. Where, where does that knowledge come from, that she is still your daughter and that you will see her again and as we believe, have an opportunity to raise her in the millennium? How, how did that knowledge come to pass? Because we, we know it book knowledge wise, like we, it's in the scriptures and we can see that, but how does that, how do you know that spiritually that your family really is united for eternity?

[01:15:38] Courtney: Um, I think because of what I know from the temple, and I think I haven't had any grand, glorious experiences with Presley since she passed away. I've, I've prayed for them. hope every time I go to the temple that something happens.

[01:15:56] Jethro: Mm-Hmm.

[01:15:57] Courtney: I personally have not had. This overwhelming experience that is, has proven that to me.

[01:16:06] Courtney: So other than the knowledge that I have, that I've been taught my whole life, the experiences that I've had that have taught me to have faith in, in God's plan and, and to trust him and the things that he's taught through scripture and through prophets, um, that's, that's how I know right now.

[01:16:26] Jethro: So this is, this is an area where it is still faith that that's actually what's going to happen. And, and I think that's really important to highlight because you, some might think that you would, of all people would have this surety and it sounds like you don't have that right now.

[01:16:44] Courtney: No, other than faith. Yeah,

[01:16:47] Jethro: Yeah.

[01:16:49] Courtney: for sure.

[01:16:51] Jethro: Yeah. And so, so this is, this is still. A trial and, and this trial is not over yet because you're still not sure. It's not a sure thing yet. It's still a trial of your faith. And, you know, uh, many people have experiences where they are like, um, struggling with something and they get an answer and they, there are things they know.

[01:17:17] Jethro: So I wanna talk a little bit about the things that you know, that you can never. You could never deny it. You know, a lot of people talk about when the three witnesses, they may have all left the church, but they all testified they knew that the, that the golden plates were real. And, and so what are some of the things that, you know, that you can't deny now?

[01:17:37] Jethro: That would just be, it would be terrible if you denied them because you're so sure that they are real.

[01:17:45] Courtney: Well, I think that's a tricky question because I think like I know Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father are real, that because of my faith, which is the same thing. We're talking about with Presley. So because I have faith in it, I know that I'll see her again. I know she's my daughter. I know that she is living. I know without a doubt that she, because of the covenants that Trevor and I have made in the temple and um. The witness, the personal witness that I've had through the Holy Ghost that is born witness to me that those things are true. That's how I know those are real. but it's still an act of faith because there's no evidence that I can prove to anybody else that these are real. So they're very real to me because of my personal experiences that I've had. But yeah, trying to prove them to someone else that might not have that background or experience, they might not seem, seem real or valid, but I do know that I'll see her again. And I do know that she is living and I do know that, um, she's my daughter and that we're sealed together because of that same witness and testimony that, that I, that I've been given. Just like I know Father and Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are the Godhead and they are real, very real. I know that Jesus Christ came down to this earth. He sacrificed himself each and every child on earth that will ever live has lived. I know that he did that because he loves us and I know that he didn't have to do that. I know that Heavenly Father sent him to do that for us as well, so that we can be eternal families so we can return to live with him so we can be sealed together with our families. I know that Joseph Smith was a real prophet that he saw God the father, and Jesus Christ. He restored the true gospel onto this earth. Um, and then that gospel is contained in the Book of Mormon, which is an additional testament of Jesus Christ and testifies of all of these truths. Um, these are all things that I know because of the be because of the witness I've been given, but it is. Through my faith that I know these things. Um.

[01:20:45] Jethro: And, and isn't it interesting how it's, how it's this difficult line? To walk. Right. You know it, but you're not claiming that anybody else has to know it in the same way that you did. Your experiences have been so personal to get you to this point that really it's only God who could have helped you learn these things.

[01:21:10] Jethro: Um, and anything else is, is just crazy, right? Like. It, it is, it is just remarkable the, the path that your life has taken that has led you to this, uh, to this place. So I wanna shift now to the future. So we're gonna be doing this every year for the next 10 years. Um, and, and I want start with your, in 10 years.

[01:21:38] Jethro: Uh, Avery's gonna be 18. She's gonna be getting ready to leave the house and like what? What are the things that are going to be important to you in the next, like, in 10 years? Uh, and, and are they different from what's important to you now?

[01:22:00] Courtney: I think in 10 years

[01:22:01] Jethro: I.

[01:22:03] Courtney: what's gonna be important to me is I think they're gonna be similar. I think. Gospel is going to be important and making sure that my family knows where I stand on on different

[01:22:24] Jethro: Mm-Hmm.

[01:22:24] Courtney: gospel topics if I, that they know where my testimony is. I think family is gonna be important to me, which it is now, and spending time together and strength keeping our family strong and making sure our home is a refuge everything that's happening in the world. Um, I think those are my two. Number one, my top two things that are so important to me. They're so important to me now, and I don't think that's gonna change. I think those will still be my top two 10 years from now.

[01:23:02] Jethro: Hmm. Yeah. Really fascinating. What, what are some goals or things that you want to accomplish in. The next 10 years? Some, and like I hesitate to say goals or things you want to accomplish, like more, what do you wanna be true? What do you want to have happened, uh, in the next 10 years? And, uh, and, and make it something that, um.

[01:23:35] Jethro: Gosh, like this is so difficult to, to parse out because it, it is going to be a decade never to be forgotten. So what's gonna make it that way? Uh, 'cause like worldly achievements probably are not gonna mean all that much. They might happen, but they, they probably won't be that as big a deal as we think, uh, in the moment.

[01:23:58] Jethro: So what are some things you want to be true in 10 years?

[01:24:04] Courtney: 10

[01:24:04] Jethro: Yeah.

[01:24:06] Courtney: I know for sure I want a farm. I don't know where that farm's gonna be, but definitely want a farm. Um, I want, I want, as a mother, one of my goals and one of the things that I. So not perfect, uh, that I want to be better at is patience, having patience with children and having self-control, which sounds funny, but modeling. Modeling how to react to different situations patience, with love, with kindness, and not with frustration.

[01:25:00] Courtney: And. Um, I'm, when I'm stressed or when I'm, um, tired, when I don't get enough sleep or, you know, sometimes when, if Tucker dropped something on the floor or something, I'm like, oh, what? Why did you do that? Why did you do that pick, you know, just my reactions. I, I find myself repenting a lot. of my prayers are spent repenting for the way that I react to different situations throughout my day. Um, and so, and I, I feel like that is, um, self-control or self-mastery, just finding ways to either making it a habit to just react that way or stopping myself regrouping before I react so that I can model that for my kids. 'cause I want them to have healthy. Ways of reacting to situations too, and not just blaming, you know, kids don't drop things on purpose.

[01:26:03] Courtney: They don't. A lot of the times kids, the things that kids do that frustrate parents are not on purpose. It's not 'cause they're trying to rile us up and get us upset at them and make our days awful and worse. It's just because they are learning and they're making mistakes and I need to remember that and, and be better.

[01:26:23] Courtney: So I'm hoping in 10 years. at least be better at that. I don't know if I'll have mastered it, but I'm hoping to be better at that. Um, I hope in 10 years that, oh, it sounds like so far away, but it's really not when I think about where I was 10 years ago. But then you say, Avery. She'll be on her way out. I hope My relationship with my kids is, is super strong in 10 years that when she leaves for college and is deciding where to go, that she's, she's doing what she wants and living her dreams, but she's also, um. She remembers to call her mom that we have that relationship and that she, I mean, she'll be excited to leave the house.

[01:27:27] Courtney: I'm sure everyone is to their wings and to spread them, but I hope she, our relationship is strong enough that she remembers she remembers her roots and that we can have that. Because experience, like you said, I'm close to my mom. I remember calling my mom two weeks after getting to college and crying to her and thanking her for everything she's ever done for me, because now I had to do what I had so hard. And she was like, that's all I needed. That's what got all those years of teenage arguments and comebacks and everything that CH made it all worth it. So I. Well, I don't know where I'll be in 10 years. I hope I'm, I, I hope, and I, I don't hope, know I'll be strong in the gospel. I not, I don't have any plans on leaving the church anytime soon. Um, so I'm saying that now so that in 10 years I can hopefully say that that was a true thing, that I'm still strong in the gospel and I'm still, and I, I honestly think that Presley that into perspective for us.

[01:28:52] Courtney: Trevor and I've talked about this a lot, how we don't wanna do anything to screw it up so that we don't see her again, or we're not with her again in the next life. she. It's on us, what our choices are that decide if we're gonna be there or not, you know, and we don't wanna screw that up. So, we have that motivation, but I hope I'm still on that trajectory and that in.

[01:29:21] Jethro: Yeah. Um, so, uh, along those lines, what, th this is a two part question, so I'll come back to the second part in a minute. What trial do you think God is preparing you for right now?

[01:29:53] Courtney: I dunno. We've talked about, he does prepare you for your trials, and I can see how every couple years we've hit something and the one before that has prepared us. Now you're scaring me because it was like, it's been, been three years since Trevor lost his job, so what's coming?

[01:30:24] Jethro: Yep.

[01:30:28] Jethro: Something's always coming.

[01:30:31] Courtney: I dunno. I, I don't wanna, I don't wanna guess. I don't want it.

[01:30:39] Jethro: Yeah.

[01:30:46] Jethro: That's all right. Uh, but this is again, a question I'd like to lot to ask every year, um, to, to be thinking about. Um, and you know, I, I don't know how to describe it totally, but, but I think we get an inkling and I think we have an understanding of what we're being prepared for. Um, so on the other hand, what great thing do you believe God is preparing you for right now?

[01:31:15] Courtney: Okay, so when you were saying that the first. And it could be a great thing and it could be a trial. Um, it's, I know Trevor and his patriarchal listen, talks about him being in leadership positions in the church, and so. Something along those lines. I don't know what, but I think it would be a trial to, I, one of my, my best friend that's here, she, her husband just got called as our state president and he's only 32 years old. So they have young kids. Yeah. And knowing how, knowing all the miracles, 'cause I'm really good friends with her that have happened around that is really cool. But also the trial that it is to have. A young family and have a husband in kind of position, so, but that's also a really great thing too. So maybe either me or Trevor, some kind of calling or something that could be really great or, but maybe a little bit of a trial that you need to rely on God for to. But I also feel like he's, he is just preparing me to, to be the best mom I can be. I think that's my number one thing and preparing me for whatever my kids are gonna go through and whatever my kids are gonna face. Um, yeah, I think. Watching your kids go through hard things is as much of a challenge as you going through something hard as a parent, and so it'll be something with them, but I also know that they'll learn through it too, and it'll be something great. Hopefully I can coach through that so that they have that same perspective.

[01:33:24] Courtney: If it is.

[01:33:28] Jethro: Yeah. You know, it's, it's really interesting because you, you do want to protect your kids from every bad thing, and yet the bad things are exactly what. Gives us the strength to continue on. And um, and that's something that I've definitely struggled with as, as a parent, is how do I, how do I help my kids grow without any adversity?

[01:33:58] Jethro: 'cause adversity's hard, uh, but they have to have it. It's, it's part of the plan. Um, okay. Uh. For, for this question, this is really about the next year. We're gonna talk again about a year from now. Um, what is something that you want to, uh, have accomplished or want to, uh, be focused on, um, when we come? To meet again next year.

[01:34:37] Jethro: What's an area you want to grow? Anything like that? What's something that's on your mind about the next year? Uh, instead of thing, the whole decade.

[01:34:46] Courtney: Um, so something that this podcast even has helped me with is I being, having just had a baby, three kids homeschooling everything. Um, sorry, I need my charger.

[01:35:06] Jethro: It's all good.

[01:35:09] Courtney: Studying my pictures like I used to and I haven't been prioritizing things. Um, all the primary answers, things like that, that have been, I have in the past. so thinking about these questions that you sent me and. I mean, I, I was reading through some old journals and different things that just this last week and I committed this last week to really studying, not just reading scriptures every day and not counting that, but really studying and doing different things like that. Um, and so I hoping in a year, I'm hoping I wanna keep that up the next year.

[01:35:58] Courtney: And. I mean, I have noticed a huge difference just this week in the effort that I've put in to studying and how my time has been consecrated, so that I actually have time where you didn't think I did before find time. So making sure that I keep up that habit of. The next year.

[01:36:40] Jethro: So along. Those lines, what are some of the things that you need to do daily, weekly, monthly, to help you achieve the the great things that God has in store for you?

[01:37:13] Courtney: Okay. Okay. Um, I think, I think making sure that I, so the things that God has in store for me over the next year, I think the way that I can prepare for those and do. Accomplish the things that I want to and be prepared for. Whatever he is preparing me for is, um, what I've talked about, staying close to him. So that means studying my scriptures, going to the temple, doing all those things, but maybe, maybe doing them like we talked about earlier. When I was doing them before I was looking for something, I was to gain something back from doing all these, I was looking for different things. So maybe to get more out of those things, I need to be trying to, to. Prepare to try to find what God is preparing me for and maybe ask and look for those answers and ways that I can be specifically prepared for what is coming. Um, so maybe if I am looking for those things, not only will it motivate me to keep doing those and to remember to do those and to make time for those and prioritize them, but hopefully keep, doing them.

[01:39:06] Jethro: Yep. Yep. And the thing. That's, that's so interesting is it's so difficult for us to think so far in advance and plan so far in advance because we're so finite minded and it's difficult to, uh, to, to try to predict the future. But what you can do if you are focused and paying attention is you can start to predict the future because you start to do things that inevitably lead to.

[01:39:36] Jethro: To the place that you wanna be, right? So you talked about changing how you're eating and eating more healthy and, and why that matters. And um, and, and you can start to predict that your body is going to react in certain ways when you put certain things into it. And that. That's the kind of, uh, future telling that we, that I think we can do is we can make the choices that lead us down that path, that when we feast on the scriptures, then we, we grow closer to Christ.

[01:40:09] Jethro: When we listen to the Holy Ghost and we write down the promptings that we have, then. Then the Lord knows he can trust us and he sends us more of that as time goes on. And, and those things are, are really, they're really valuable and we don't always see it, uh, in the moment. And sometimes we don't even see it in the past.

[01:40:32] Jethro: And, um, and so I think that this is, uh, this is good. Um, is there anything else that we should be talking about that we haven't talked about yet?

[01:40:42] Courtney: Um,

[01:40:49] Jethro: Anything where you were like, man, I really wanna make sure I say this.

[01:40:57] Courtney: I. I think we touched on everything that I written down.

[01:41:09] Jethro: Okay. All right. So, uh, if you're still listening to this, then you're like, this is a good story. Uh, I wanna follow along. So a decade never to be forgotten. Dot com is the website. Um, and you can join the community there. There's a little tab up on the top that says community. And in that community what we do is we answer a journaling question each day, and then that gets pinned up to the top.

[01:41:36] Jethro: And then for, uh, the next 10 years, I'm gonna rein those questions up to the top and we're gonna answer the same question again. Eventually what I'll have is a paper journal and. I don't know where my journal is. Oh, there it is. So I've been doing this thing and, and this is what I'm working on right now behind the scenes is this is a five-year journal and there's a.

[01:42:03] Jethro: And then each year you have a little spot to write something. And so I'm in the process of making a physical 10 year journal, uh, for everybody who is, who is doing this with us. But right now there's a digital 10 year journal, um, at a decade never to be forgotten.com. This is a podcast, you'll be able to hear the other 11 people that we're gonna be talking to.

[01:42:26] Jethro: And if, again, if you're listening to this and you're like, this was fascinating, maybe you should be part of it. So you, you can reach out to me, uh, Jethro, Jones on all the social networks and just say, Hey, Jethro. There's not a lot of us, so you can probably find me easily say, Hey, Jethro, I think I might be a good person to be on there.

[01:42:46] Jethro: And then, uh, and then we can talk and see if you will be a good fit. And, uh, Courtney, you are amazing. I you are, you've been someone I have admired ever since I met you, and I'm so grateful that, uh, you're doing this and I'm so excited to see what great things you've accomplished in the next 10 years, because I know you will.

[01:43:07] Jethro: And even if they're not great in the eyes of man, I know that they'll be great, uh, for you personally because you are that kind of a woman. So thank you for joining me on this journey. I appreciate it.

[01:43:18] Courtney: you. Thanks for having me. I have.​